When a relationship has been rocked by sex addiction and betrayal, couples often ask: “Can we move forward if we don’t know the full truth?” Our trauma-informed answer is compassionate and clear: lasting repair requires shared reality. That’s the role of a formal therapeutic disclosure—a structured, clinician-guided process that puts truth, safety, and accountability at the center of healing.
Below is how we facilitate disclosure at Healing Paths (Bountiful & Salt Lake City), why we intentionally wait before doing it, and what support looks like before, during, and after.
Why disclosure later—not right away?
Partners understandably want answers now. And the person in addiction often fears those answers will end the relationship. Both reactions make sense. Still, we do not rush disclosure. In most cases, we schedule it 12–18 months into recovery, after the following are in place:
- Stabilization & Sobriety: Early disclosure can destabilize recovery or trigger relapse. We want the addicted partner practicing honesty, accountability, and regulation first.
- Partner Safety & Support: The betrayed partner needs grounding skills, boundaries, and a supportive therapeutic relationship so disclosure doesn’t re-traumatize.
- Capacity for Empathy: We aim for a disclosure delivered with steadiness and genuine accountability—so the partner isn’t forced to regulate the person who betrayed them.
- Completeness: Secrets often surface gradually. Time allows the addicted partner (with their own therapist) to surface and organize all relevant facts so the process is comprehensive—once.
Bottom line: Waiting isn’t avoidance. It’s preparation that makes the experience safer, clearer, and more useful for both people.
What a formal disclosure includes (and excludes)
A therapeutic disclosure is not a free-form confession at home, a late-night info-dump, or a bargaining chip. It’s a planned, single-day session with both therapists present—each person supported by their own clinician.
What’s included
- A written, organized account of addictive behaviors and deception patterns, read aloud by the addicted partner.
- Context (not excuses): relevant history (e.g., early exposure, escalation patterns) that helps both partners understand how the addiction took shape.
- Clear, factual responses to the partner’s pre-submitted questions.
- Breaks, grounding, and pacing to protect both nervous systems.
What’s not included
- Graphic detail that overwhelms without adding clinical value.
- Minimizing, spin, or pressure for immediate forgiveness.
- “Apology paragraphs” inside the disclosure document itself—amends come later in the restitution step.
The three-part accountability arc
Disclosure is step one in a three-step healing sequence designed to restore shared reality and dignity for both people:
- Full Disclosure: The truth is presented in a structured, clinician-led session.
- Impact Letter (Partner): On a later date, the betrayed partner reads a written account of the impact—how the behaviors affected safety, health, trust, finances, parenting, and self-worth. This validates trauma and restores voice.
- Restitution Letter (Addicted Partner): Guided by therapists, the addicted partner responds with specific accountability and amends—naming harms, acknowledging themes, and committing to behaviors that protect the relationship going forward.
This sequence ensures truth, voice, and repair are each honored in their own protected container.
How we prepare couples
For the addicted partner
- Individual therapy focuses on sobriety, honesty, trigger awareness, shame reduction, and empathy building so truth can be delivered with steadiness—without asking the partner to manage their emotions.
- Drafts of the disclosure are written and refined with the therapist to ensure accuracy, clarity, and therapeutic appropriateness.
For the betrayed partner
- Individual work builds safety, boundaries, and regulation skills (sleep, nourishment, support system).
- The partner drafts specific questions in advance with their therapist, so they receive the information they truly need—no more, no less.
For the day itself
- We schedule enough time (often several hours).
- We plan aftercare: who drives, who’s with the partner that evening, whether there’s a brief text check-in or a planned no-contact window, childcare coverage, and a follow-up therapy appointment for each person.
What it feels like in the room
Therapists actively co-regulate the conversation: pausing, grounding, and clarifying as needed. The addicted partner reads the disclosure. The betrayed partner listens, asks planned questions, and receives factual answers. It’s intense—and it’s held.
After the joint session, each person spends time with their own therapist to process immediate emotions and reinforce safety plans. We normalize that partners may leave carrying more weight that evening—because they now hold the truth—and we make sure they’re not holding it alone.
“What if we’re not staying together?”
Disclosure still matters. Even if a couple ultimately chooses to separate, completing the disclosure → impact → restitution arc helps both people exit the relationship with clarity, dignity, and fewer “loose ends.” It often improves co-parenting and reduces long-term reactivity.
Common fears—and our responses
- “If I tell everything, they’ll leave.” They might. We can’t—and won’t—promise outcomes. But couples who rebuild do so on truth, not partial truths. Disclosure honors your partner’s right to informed consent about their future.
- “What if it’s worse than I think?” Many partners feel that fear. With preparation, presence, and aftercare, most say, “I’m grateful we waited—this was hard, but it finally made sense.”
- “Why can’t we just do couples therapy now?” Without shared reality, couples work rests on shaky ground. Disclosure builds the foundation for genuine repair.
What happens next
- The partner begins the Impact Letter with their therapist’s support—often starting with a raw “first draft” to give big emotions a safe place to land.
- The addicted partner continues sobriety and accountability work while preparing a Restitution Letter that names harms and commitments specifically.
- When both are ready, we hold the Impact and later the Restitution sessions—each with both therapists present.
Only after this arc do we add full Phase Three couples therapy—where trust, intimacy, and partnership are rebuilt on solid ground. (That’s Part 3 of this series.)
A hopeful closing
Disclosure day is often described as one of the hardest days of recovery—for both people. It’s also a turning point. With truth on the table and the right support, couples can stop fighting the unknown and start making clear, empowered choices about their future—together or apart. Truth doesn’t guarantee the outcome you want, but it does make real healing possible.
Considering disclosure or looking for support in Utah?
Healing Paths provides trauma-informed individual therapy, betrayal trauma care, and specialized sex-addiction recovery in Bountiful and Salt Lake City. If you’re navigating discovery, staggered disclosure, or next steps, we’re here to guide you safely.
P.S. If you appreciate learning in multiple formats, check out the Thanks for Sharing podcast with Jackie Pack for compassionate, practical conversations on recovery and relationships.